I’m trying to sell my green electric guitar. I bought this thing when I was 17 years old. I needed it so that I could be part of my first band. I was just a rhythm guitar player but it was life-changing. To be honest, I can’t even remember the band’s name. I remember playing “Summer of ‘69” and “Long December.” We played a set at my senior prom. When I started writing songs, the first batch of really bad ones were written on this guitar. In recent years, I strung it as a baritone guitar and used it to get a particular sound in the studio. It has made an appearance on a couple of different tracks that you might recognize. It was the foundation for the original version of “Pancakes.”
The problem is that I don’t enjoy playing it. I recently tried changing the strings and realized that I know nothing about electric guitars. It’s just taking up space in the studio. I don’t need this guitar. Someone else might get a lot of joy from this neon green electric guitar. I have a lot of sentimental emotions attached to this thing but I never use it. The strings wear out from age before they succumb to use. It will be nice to not have to do the maintenance on this guitar. Thanks for the memories and good riddance. May you find someone who knows how to make you rock.
My little girl had been in the bathroom for a long time when I went to check on her. “What are you doing in here?” “Nothing.” “Nothing? Then why are you still sitting on the potty?” “I was just potty dreaming. It’s like day dreaming except on the potty.”
I think that I’ve finally figured out the voice for Uncle Boozie. He’s got a particular way of saying things and it’s important to get it right. There was an actor named Pat Buttram. He was on the television show called Green Acres and multiple classic Disney movies. I think Uncle Boozie’s voice could best be described as a lilting combination of Mr. Haney and the Big Lebowski.
Getting it right requires some practice. For a while, I was only willing to practice Uncle Boozie while alone in my truck. Driving down the road where nobody else could hear me was the perfect place to work it all out. Although, if anybody had heard me, they would have thought I wasn’t fit to be behind the wheel. I recently started practicing at home. It’s a little weird but weird is kind of the standard at my house. I am becoming comfortable with the voice of Uncle Boozie. I need to make sure that I don’t become too comfortable. If I slip into Uncle Boozie at the wrong time, it could lead to all kinds of accusations.
I like going to church But not always for religious reasons An old fashion pot luck Is where you’ll find the best fried chicken Not as regular as I used to be Not as regular as I used to be Not as regular as I used to be
If you have been following along, you may remember that I recently had a weird dream about T. Swift. It happened again. I don’t know why she is showing up in my dreams. I’m not even a fan. I couldn’t tell you the title of any of her songs. I couldn’t hum the melody or recite the words form a single Taylor song. Her billion dollar tour is the epitome of everything that is wrong with the world. To be honest, I think her empire is kind of gross.
In the dream, I was in a big auditorium. I was watching an acrobatic carnival act perform on the stage. There was some commotion in the aisle and then Taylor sat down in the row in front of me. We started chatting. She was going to be taking the stage next. I told her I was a folk singer and she asked if I knew any of her songs. I grabbed a banjo and she invited me to join her on the stage. In case you were wondering, there was no actual music in the dream because I don’t know any of her music. The audience didn’t seem to mind.
There are two types of guitar people.
You might be thinking that it’s electric guitar people and acoustic guitar people. Typically the electric guitar people can also play acoustic guitar. So, it’s probably better defined as electric guitar people and non-electric guitar people. Without a doubt, I am a non-electric guitar person. I was working on restringing my electric guitar and it didn’t end well. It’s similar to the difference between changing the tires on a Model T Ford and my wife’s minivan. I’m currently waiting for some replacement parts. But these are not the categories I am talking about. This is more of a style preference than actual types of guitar people.
It could also be rhythm guitar players versus lead players. I think this might also be a style classification. I have never been a lead guitar player because I’ve never tried to play lead guitar. My Weird Folk songs have never needed me to play lead guitar. I’ve always considered myself a good rhythm player but that might be because I’ve never tried to play lead. However, these are not the main types of guitar people.
There are two types of guitar people. There are guitar players and people who own guitars. Occasionally, I might be mistaken for a legitimate guitar player but the truth is that I will always be just a guitar owner.
As part of my drawing practice, I’ve been working on sketches to correspond with the songs on the new record. I wasn’t sure what would best represent a song about raging hypocrisy and the judgement that it incurs. I started with the Statue of Liberty holding a banjo but that didn’t feel right. A sad dragon holding a bottle is perfect.
By the time you are reading this, it should be safe to talk about without ruining the surprise. We are celebrating birthdays with my wife’s family. Every year she buys her brothers a bag of dill pickle popcorn. I guess it’s not much of a surprise since she does it every year. She and both her brothers have birthdays within the same two-week period of time. So they split the difference and celebrate together. We have a local candy store that specializes in amazing popcorn where she purchases her annual gifts.
Last winter I required a root canal. It was awful. It happened because I lost a filling on a piece of caramel popcorn. I vowed to never eat popcorn again. When she was out buying her annual bags of dill pickle popcorn, she brought home some maple pecan popcorn. It was amazing.
I had a meeting at my kid’s school. There have been a lot of changes in America’s school system since I was a kid. There are metal detectors at the door and a security guard. A large news ticker flashes motivational quotes in the lobby. When I was in school we had reading, writing, and arithmetic. There are a lot more opportunities now. Despite all of these changes, one thing remains the same. It’s the smell. It’s a combination of cleaning supplies and paste. All schools smell the same.
I wanted to give you a couple of updates about my “Uncle Boozie” project.
This project began as an itch in the back of my mind a long time ago. I was drinking chocolate milk with a friend at least 15 years ago and Uncle Boozie was conceived. It’s taken a very long time to figure out what to do with this idea. I still don’t know how it will all come together but I’m actively working on making it happen.
My plan is to make monthly episodes. I am a one man production team and it’s a lot of work to make this happen. I announced recently that I wanted to make longer content. I forgot to account for how much more work is involved with longer content. A monthly frequency feels like a realistic goal at this point. Episodes will be comprised of multiple segments that will work perfectly for the short content required by the deteriorating attention spans of social media.
I’ve got my wardrobe figured out but I still need to build a set. This might sound like overkill but Uncle Boozie is not the kind of guy that can just hang out anywhere. He needs a specific kind of place to do what he does. He also might need a hat.
This project has been festering for a long time and I am really happy that it’s staring to come together. Realistic expectation are hard but I want to do it right. I think you are really going to like Uncle Boozie… eventually.
P.S. When this finally gets off the ground, I’m going to start working on my cowboy series with “Brother FlapJack.”