Irish Jig
We were listening to some Irish tunes to celebrate the holiday. I broke into a spontaneous jig. I was overcome by the festive energies. “Wow, that’s good dancing for an old guy.” Thanks little girl. That statement is 50% accurate.
Sacrament of Coffee and Age 7
It’s our annual “Sacrament of Coffee Day.” This means it is the anniversary of the release of this single and also my twin’s birthday. It’s a great opportunity to reflect on life. Time continues to march forward and I can’t believe how quickly it is marching. We continue to struggle to get out the door […]
My mug on a mug
Recently, I posted a picture of a drawing my son had made. He drew my face on a coffee mug. The mailman just delivered an unexpected package. It was a coffee mug and on it was the picture that my son had drawn. It was my mug on a mug on a mug. I don’t […]
22 and 59
“When I am 22, how old will you be?” After some complicated math, we determined that I will be 59 when my son is 22. “Oh good, that means I will be old enough to take care of myself before you die.” Okay… His twin sister had to chime in. “That will never happen.” I […]
On Cardboard
My son chased me out of the room. He said he was working on a surprise for me. It turned out to be an empty cardboard box with a picture on the side. He drew a coffee mug and on the coffee mug, he drew a portrait of me. It is a magnificent gift even […]
Fountain of Youth
We love hypothetical questions at our house. They are so much fun. At dinner, my boy asked, “if someone drank from the fountain of youth and then I ate him, how old would I be?” “Son, if you eat someone, regardless of what they drank first, you have bigger problems than your age.”
Nemesises
The subject of this post is directly derived from a debate that I had with my children. You should know that 2/3 of my children are six. If you have an arch nemesis, you have a singular enemy. You say something like, “lactose is my nemesis.” It is completely possible to have enemies that are […]
Video Dump – January 7
Yesterday, I was talking about how writing this Daily Dispatch has affected my video-making process. I thought that today you might enjoy watching some of the fruit from this tree. The links below will go to YouTube. I made a batch of videos based on storied that first appeared “in print” on this blog. Let […]
The Whistle
Since he was really little, my son has been desperate to whistle. He would say, “Hey Pops, listen to this.” Then he would blow spit everywhere while making a weird noise. It was essentially monosyllabic singing while making kissy lips. I would explain that it was more of a hum than a whistle and demonstrate […]
Board Games
We just introduced our twins (age 6) to the game of Monopoly. They were ruthless. We have a crazy winter weather event happening. As a result, we have no obligations and nowhere that we need to be. We are completely burned out on Christmas movies. It was time to bust out the board games. When […]
Kitteny
My little girl loves to tell me stories at bedtime. These stories usually involve a unicorn doing something like eating sandwiches and then everybody in the story goes to sleep. I could listen to these stories all day. The most recent story involved some people walking through the woods. Near as I can tell, I […]
Nice Moves
I ate as much as I could physically hold. I took an afternoon nap. I put on some music in order to draw myself out of the holiday coma. My baby girl with eyes wide said, “Wow, those are some great dance moves. Can you teach me to do that?” The song was Brother Love’s […]
Kid Management
We just had a meeting with the twins’ teacher. We got a great report for both of them. My mind was blown by the level of organization achieved by their teacher. She had everything about each student sorted, bundled, and displayed beautifully. I suppose that the ability to wrangle 30 kids all day requires a […]
Frog Dylan
This green frog goes by the name Frog Dylan and he belongs to my son. Frog Dylan is a favorite at our house. He sings croak songs. As a parent, I must be getting something right.
Shrinky Dinks
I enjoyed some craft time with my twins. We were working on some Shrinky Dinks. I didn’t even know that they still existed. I loved Shrinky Dinks way back in the ‘80s. If you aren’t familiar with Shrinky Dinks, they are pure magic. It’s a design cut from a sheet of some form of plastic. […]
Fro-corn-urtle
The kids and I were chatting over lunch. It started as a hypothetical question. Would you rather be a frog or a turtle? We had two votes for frog and two votes for turtle. We settled the dispute with a compromise. A fr-urtle is obviously a frog and turtle hybrid with froggy legs and a […]
Mol Day
Hannah is in a chemistry class and they are celebrating ”Mol Day.” Allegedly, a mol is a unit of measurement and today’s date somehow corresponds with this number. To be honest, I’m out of my element. I don’t know what any of this means. The important thing is that she made some delicious, homemade guacamole […]
Toy Yoda
We were out for a family walk. My twins (age 6) were frantically looking for Toyota vehicles in the neighborhood. “Why are you two so excited about Toyota?” “I saw a commercial and they look awesome.” “Yeah, we want to convince you to buy a Toyota.” (I’m having some vehicle issues and might be in […]
Library Rules
My little girl (age 6) was excited to tell me a story from school. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. “Cleopatra found a book in the library with my name on it. She came over and showed me the book. It had my name on the front.” “Wow, the book’s title was […]
Way Bigger
At bedtime, my boy (age 6) said, “Hey Pops, when I am a grown-up, I’m gonna be way bigger than you.” I replied, “Oh, are you gonna be a really big guy someday?” “No, I’ll be normal size but when I’m a grown-up you will be really old, and old people get way smaller.” He […]
History
I was helping Hannah study for a giant U.S. history test. A lot has changed in the last five hundred years but people are basically the same. She knows a tremendous amount of random facts. She will do great on this test. I am an idiot and know nothing.
Festive Fall Party
On Saturday we engaged in some autumn-themed activities. We traveled to a nearby orchard and purchased season-defining produce. The van was full of apples, squash, and pumpkins for carving. We ate apple slices dipped in caramel. We dug Halloween decorations out of the attic. We listened to some music on a “fall playlist.” We declared […]
Queen of Hearts
I recently missed a family discussion about Halloween costumes. We have twins and they have very different personalities. We have rarely dressed them alike but Halloween is an opportunity that can’t be missed. A cohesive theme is too cute to pass up. Mrs Brother Jack: Tell your father about the theme for Halloween. Little E: […]
Short Fuses
Today was one of those days. When I woke up, I was immediately aware that it was going to require a little bit extra. Two weeks of a school routine has kicked my kids’ butts. They were all tired and grumpy from the start. Our cannons were primed with really short fuses. Everything that happened […]
The Wedding Industrial Complex
My baby girl (age 6) is obsessed with weddings. She was privileged to be the flower girl for some friends at their wedding over the summer. Now weddings are a big deal for her. She just informed me that when she grows up she will have all her kids before she gets married so that […]
Summer Guilt Trip
At the end of every August, I feel guilty about not doing enough with my kids while they were on summer break from school. We had lots of fun and spent a lot of time together. It was all really great but it feels like there wasn’t enough of it. It’s probably normal parental emotions. […]
Clean Slate 2022
It’s the first day of school for all three of my children. I always loved the first day of school. It was a clean slate. Nobody will remember all of the dumb stuff that happened the previous school year. Summer is like a magic memory potion. Not one classmate will remember when you got confused […]
Youth Orchestra
My oldest kid joined the youth orchestra this summer. She just participated in her first concert with the group. The kids were the warm-up act for our local symphony orchestra. Our town is not big enough to have some of the things you would find in a big urban center but we are big enough […]
A Singing Koala
I was putting the twins to bed and we were reading a bedtime story about a guy and his pet pug. Thing1 asked if I would ever want to have a pet pug (she knows that I have always wanted a dog). I told her I would not want a pug because I prefer big […]
The Mouse
We have a mouse in the house. It’s a natural part of living in the world. Occasionally, a little rodent may find a way into our domicile. It ran across the room, under the tv, and into the ductwork. Thing-1 wants to catch it and keep it as a pet. I set out some traps. […]
Bridesmaids
We were at a wedding over the weekend, it was beautiful. My kids were involved with the ceremony and I think they enjoyed the attention that came with it. My boy danced with every bridesmaid at least twice. His secret was that he fought hard and pretended to hate every second of it. I wish […]
Lots of Compliments
Over the weekend we celebrated the marriage of some dear friends. It was a glorious occasion and we are so happy for everyone involved. My twins were in the wedding party. Baby girl was living her dreams. There was a fancy dress, flowers in her hair, and lots of dancing. The only thing that could […]
Tents > Hotel Rooms
A family of five in a six man tent is better than a family of five in a normal hotel room. At least with a tent, the entire great outdoors are available for escape. In a hotel room, you can only hide in the bathroom for so long.
1MS : Naked Eyes
My wife and two of my kids have blue eyes. My baby girl has eyes the same color as mine. She looked me in the eye and said, “Hey, we match… except mine are white on the edges and yours are red.” I have a new one minute song out today. It’s about eyes.
Peppers and Fairies
A friend gave me a couple of green bell peppers last week. My garden doesn’t contain any pepper plants. I love peppers but they give me awful heartburn. It seems more prudent to avoid the temptation. I’m grateful for the kindness of friends. My twins are convinced that they love red peppers but hate green […]
Apple Dumpling Gang
I have kids. This means that when I watch a movie, it is a kid’s movie. This is fine because my favorite genre of film is “dumb kid’s movie.” This might not be an official category that is recognized by the academy when they are handing out awards but it will always be my favorite. […]
Fiddlin’ Friday
Sometimes on Friday afternoons, I do a livestream with my friends on Facebook. When I can convince (beg and bribe) my oldest offspring to bust out her violin, the show is a Fiddlin’ Friday. There is no greater thrill than playing music with family. If you listen closely to our latest show, you will hear […]
Picnic
I informed my twins (age 6) that we are halfway through their summer break. I asked if there is anything that they desperately want to do before they go back to school. I thought they might mention a baseball game, museum, amusement park, more camping, or anything equally epic. It turns out that the absolute, […]
Tent Math
I can speak from experience that a camping tent marketed as a “six-person tent” comfortably holds a family of three. I have been reminded why we have done very little tent camping since becoming a family of five.
Joyful Noise
I almost didn’t get today’s Dispatch out. It’s been a busy week. Hannah has had school stuff all week and a music camp in the evenings. It’s called the Joyful Noise camp and it’s sponsored by a local church. She has been attending since she was an itty-bitty violin player. This was their first in-person […]
Lost – the Haircuts
Way back in 2004, the television show called Lost premiered. It was instantly my favorite show of all time. I recently decided that it was time to indoctrinate my oldest kid. So far, no one is disappointed. We just celebrated Father’s Day at my house. I detest greeting card holidays but I’m a sucker for […]
The Remote
We were gathered around the television, bingeing episodes of our current favorite show. It’s Bluey. If you don’t know Bluey, you should change that. Someday, I will probably write a very long post extolling the many virtues of this fantastic show. My boy was dominating the remote control. “Hey Pops, I can still use the […]
Bowling
The twins were invited to a classmate’s birthday party. It was at a bowling alley. A bunch of little kids throwing heavy balls equal to a third of their body weight at a wooden floor is something that must be witnessed to be understood. It’s a rare and specific kind of chaos that is unlike […]
Whistle Your Favorite Song
She wasn’t happy with her brother. She thought he should be doing what she wanted him to be doing. She got bossy and demanding in an attempt to bend his will. I explained that if he didn’t want to play with her and her fluffy unicorns, he didn’t have to play with her and it […]
Kindergarten
Today is kindergarten graduation. I still think of my twins as itty-bitty babies. I can’t believe they are already through their first year of school. I don’t know what else to say about it. I feel like I am bleeding time.
Total Wardrobe Change
As the school year comes to a close and we are transitioning to warm weather attire, it was time to tidy the wardrobe. When kids are little, it’s so easy to sort through and pull out large chunks of clothing by size. It feels safe to assume that they won’t be wearing the same size […]
Love Bug
Yesterday was my birthday. It was a nice day. We had some fantastic Chinese takeout. Then I forced my family to sit down and watch a movie with me. I subjected them to the original Herbie movie from 1968. The Love Bug is about a tiny, magic VW that loves to race. I am aware […]
When Did My Grandpap Get Here?
I have arrived at the stage in life when I can’t get up from the floor (or tie my shoes) without making a particular noise. I can remember Grandpap making the same noise. It’s a loud exhale mixed with a grunt. It’s similar to the sound made by Olympic weight lifters. The difference is that […]
What’s Up Doc
I took two-thirds of my children to the doctor’s office yesterday. Our health saga continues. Don’t worry, everything turned out alright. We saw a young, female doctor who was new for us. After she left the exam room, my boy expressed his admiration for her. I asked why he liked this doctor so much. He […]
Another Sick Day
I feel that I’ve been complaining a lot lately about my kids being sick. We have had pink eye, strep throat, and many different upper respiratory viruses. Right now we have a two for the price of one happening. We have one with a virus and strep throat and the other has a separate, brand […]
Unwavering Laws of the Universe #1
Recently, I developed a standing appointment with my two youngest children. Every Saturday morning we spend some time watching cartoons. Not the recent stuff, we only watch the classics. Thing2 loves Tom and Jerry. Thing1 likes Pink Panther (because he is pink, of course). I love Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. We all enjoy the […]
Self Sabotage
Twin 1 is sick again. Our twins are six and in kindergarten. They have been rotating illnesses every other week since the first of the year. It’s been a constant stream of coughing and snot. It would be so much easier if they could get on the same schedule and give me a week off […]
Dear Library
My kids had an extra day away from school for their spring break. We spent some time in our local public library. We used to spend a lot of time in this library. It was closed for a while during the pandemic and as a result, we forgot our library routines. When something happens that […]
Hannah’s First Job
Hannah was involved with a string quartet that had the opportunity to accompany a church choir as they presented their Easter cantata. It was beautiful. It was her first official “job” as a violinist. I’m a proud papa. Unfortunately, I didn’t get any pictures or video. Happy Easter.
Tuesdays are for Songwriting
For a while, I’ve been blocking out time on Tuesdays for songwriting. A lot of songwriters stress the importance of writing every day. That has never been a routine that works for me. I have a regular collection of lines and notions for songs. Once a week I sit down to see if any of […]
Cartoon Day
My boy had to stay home from school today. He had a weird crusty eye. I think it is related to something that was going around the classroom last week. I was upset and worried because he was sick. We watched a lot of cartoons. I was stressed and annoyed that I was on the […]
Tha-thump
Hannah is playing in a string quartet for the upcoming Easter holiday. We were on our way home from her practice. We were almost home and a cute little calico ran across the street as we crested the top of the hill. It was followed by a very black cat. It was dark. Hannah: watch […]
Toy-age (rhymes with garage)
Me (visibly angry after stepping on random toys): You kids have too many toys!!! I can’t even walk through the room!!! We need to get rid of some of this junk!!! My Son (feeling that he has solved the problem): We should park the van next to the road like normal people and fill the […]
Unicorn + Dinosaur
Our twins just turned six. We have one boy and one girl. They are definitely not identical twins (see above gender reference). When discussions regarding their birthday cake began, one child was set on a dinosaur theme and the other was desperate for unicorns. In her infinite wisdom, their mother introduced the concept of a […]
Sacrament of Coffee and Age 6
I wrote a song about life with my children and my perpetual struggle to drink a cup of coffee while it is still hot. The song was officially released to the world two years ago. It also features my old pump organ. Today is also the twin’s birthday. They are six. I can’t believe they […]
When I Grow Up
My youngest kids are twins, one of each, and they are five. It was the butt crack of dawn and we were awake. My little girl crawled into my lap and informed me that when she grows up she wants to be either a teacher or a doctor. My boy appears out of nowhere […]
I Really Had To Pee
We had a weekend at my in-law’s big, old- fashioned house. Mrs. Brother Jack’s father turned 70. It was great to celebrate his life. He has had a tremendous impact on who I am. He doesn’t get the credit he deserves and it was nice to have a party for him. All five members of […]