Tag: Kids

  • Less Adorable

    I write a Daily Dispatch every day. I started this daily routine as a good way to become a better writer. I find it hard to believe but there are some crazy individuals out there that read what I have to say on a regular basis. When it comes to content, I have no rules.…

  • No Mercy

    We have a new favorite game. It’s called “UNO Show ‘em No Mercy.“ We have been playing it every chance that we get. It’s similar to the regular version of UNO except, in addition to winning the game by getting rid of all of your cards, you can also win by forcing everyone else out…

  • Red Rubber Ball

    “Hey Pops… This isn’t related at all to what you were talking about but I think it’s weird. Whenever I try to make my brain think about nothing, all I can think about is thinking about nothing.”

  • Commercials

    Hey Pops… “Why does this show have so many commercials and they are the same ones over and over? It is such a waste, we are never going to buy their junk.”

  • The Pitcher

    We were watching a little bit of a televised baseball game. My son asked, “Why does the thrower lick his fingers every time before he does the throw?” “He is the pitcher. Pitchers do lots of weird stuff like that. It’s all about licking and itching and spitting.” ”It would be cool to be a…

  • A Morning Sniff

    “Hey Pops… What do you smell like this morning… your beard has a distinctive smell… *sniff sniff* it’s kind of weird… you smell like firewood and cheese curls.” ”Yes, son. That is the smell of manliness.”

  • Backbone

    “Hey Pops… “Is an invertebrate someone who likes to be alone or someone who likes to be with other people?” “You are thinking of introvert. They like quiet, alone time… and we also have spines.”

  • Knuckle Dragger

    Hey Pops… Your arms are very long. If you stood up and let them hang down, your knuckles would touch the ground… no offense.

  • Dead Squirrel

    We had the 8-year-old twins out for a bike ride on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Right in the middle of the bike lane was a bloated, dead squirrel. “Wow, that is disgusting and also so COOL!!! That is exactly what I imagined a dead squirrel would look like. I wonder why he died?” “Since it…

  • Lost and Found

    “Hey Pops… At school we get points for doing our classroom jobs and my job is I am in charge of the lost and found but I never get any points because I never get to do my job because nobody ever needs the lost and found. So, I’ve got a plan to make sure…

  • The Sock

    We have reached a stage as a family where we are exploring potential colleges. We just got home from a college visit. The whole family loaded in the van and went on a road trip. The eight-year-old twins have been a very opinionated and important part of the process. The tour went well. This school…

  • Planetarium

    “Hey Pops… Church is OK but it would be so much better if the ceiling was covered in stars like a planetarium…”

  • Magic Eight Ball

    We celebrated the birthday of our twins. For their birthday dinner, they wanted spaghetti and hot dogs. They thought we needed a vegetable to round things out. One picked broccoli and the other picked cucumbers. My heartburn reached a record level. We sang the traditional song and opened presents. After every phase of the process,…

  • Sacrament of Coffee and Age 8

    It’s our annual “Sacrament of Coffee Day.” It is the anniversary of my song and also my twin’s birthday. Getting out the door can still be a challenge but most days they are ready to leave before me. This is a weird age. They aren’t babies anymore but they aren’t fully independent. If I time…

  • Edward Something

    I’ve been giving my son piano lessons. He wanted to be able to play the piano but didn’t understand why he needed lessons to make that happen. It was a rocky start but we have settled into a begrudgingly tolerant symbiosis. He is doing a great job. During his most recent lesson he said, “There…

  • The First Nice Day

    It was the first nice day of the season. The birds were chirping. The crocuses were blooming. You can feel springtime vibrating in the air. It was beautiful but I had forgotten what this change in weather does to little kids. They were tiny buzzing maniacs. It was as if they had never seen sunshine…

  • The Vampire Hop

    It was a quarter to six in the morning. My son has always been an early riser. He showed up bright and early, hopping across the room. “Are you being a frog this morning?” “No, I am a vampire bat. When they eat, they get so full of blood that they can’t fly. So, they…

  • Bad Words

    I have twins and they are seven. “Hey Pops… Why don’t I know any of the bad words? I think I should know all of the bad words.” “I think it’s great that you don’t know bad words. This is OK.” “I should know the bad words. My brother knows ALL of the bad words.”…

  • Stink

    Today’s post is about noxious digestive gas that emanates from the lower quadrant. If you find this topic juvenile or disgusting, you may want to skip this one and come back tomorrow for more appropriate content. I noticed something recently and thought it was worth pondering in this forum. If I get a whiff of…

  • Inspirational Milk

    “Hey Pops… Sometimes when I try to say the word inspire, I accidentally say expire. I don’t know why I get those words mixed up.” ”Yeah, those are two very different words. If you say that the milk in the fridge is about to inspire, I should probably add milk to the grocery list.”

  • New Carpet

    “Hey Pops. Remember when I said that one of my goals for the year was for someone to give me 5 million dollars?” “Yeah, I remember you mentioned something about 5 million dollars.” ”Well, the fist thing that I am going to buy with the money before we go to Disney World is new carpet…

  • Face Practice

    “Are you okay, little girl? You are making some weird faces. Are you feeling alright?” “Yeah, sometimes I’m not sure what to do with my face so I was just practicing.”

  • Merry Christmas 2023

    “I’m so excited! It’s Christmas! I’m so excited! Do you want to hear me squeal like a pig? It’s Christmas!” “No, I don’t need to hear you squeal like a pig to know that you are excited.” Merry Christmas to all the Weird Folk. May it be so exciting that you squeal like a pig.

  • I Have to Pee

    “Hey Pops…” ”Sometimes, I have to pee, when I get nervous or a little scared… That’s not happening right now… Well, I do have to pee right now but not because I’m scared… It’s just a normal pee…”

  • Looks Like Christmas

    We decorated for Christmas today. My son said, “Even if I wasn’t familiar with the way this house normally looked if I walked in right now, I’d know it was Christmas.” I guess that’s the goal. It was fun today but by the first of January, I will be sick of this festive junk and…

  • Counting Humans

    My little man was having trouble falling asleep. We’ve been through this before. I suggested that he should try counting sheep. “I’ll give it a try but first I have a question. When sheep have trouble falling asleep, do they count humans?”

  • Retirement

    My oldest kid had a job shadowing event this week. She spent half the day hanging out with the IT department at a local bank. She said that the IT department was just like the way they are depicted on TV. It’s not at all what she wants to do with her life but it…

  • The Worm

    “Hey, Pops…” “My life is so different now that I can whistle and snap.” “Yes buddy, all of our lives are so different now that you can whistle and snap.” He practices both constantly. “The only thing I have left is to learn the worm.” “What are you talking about?” “You know, like in breakdancing….…

  • Elvis

    “Hey, Pops. Are you famous?” “No, not really.” “You have to be a little bit famous. Compared to Elvis, how famous are you?” “Everybody in the world knows Elvis and only a couple people have heard of me.” “You should be famous like Elvis. If you were that famous, I’d probably have my own room.”

  • Mr. Underwear

    It was nearing bedtime. I was trying to get the kids to brush their teeth and put on pajamas. I found myself getting angry and I didn’t know why. I was getting more irritated and more on edge. Suddenly, I became aware that my son had been singing the same phrase over and over and…

  • Hexagon of Doom

    “Hey Pops, I was just reading about this weird place in the ocean where planes and boats disappear. It’s called the hexagon of doom.” “It’s actually called the Bermuda Triangle.” “Are you sure? I don’t think that’s right. I like hexagon of doom”

  • Barbie

    I might be one of the only people in the world that has not seen the Barbie movie. I’m comfortable with that status. My son said, “Hey pops, I know why Barbie dolls are called Barbie dolls. It’s because one of the dolls is named Barbie.” This seemed like a weird proclamation but I thought…

  • Genetic Tattoos

    “Hey Pops, do tattoos run in our family?” “Ummm… What?” “I just wondered if I was going to get a tattoo because you have tattoos.” “No, it’s more like earrings, not glasses. You didn’t get your ears pierced because it runs in the family.” “Yes I did, Mommy has her ears pierced…”

  • Potty Dreaming

    My little girl had been in the bathroom for a long time when I went to check on her. “What are you doing in here?” “Nothing.” “Nothing? Then why are you still sitting on the potty?” “I was just potty dreaming. It’s like day dreaming except on the potty.”

  • Toaster Pastries

    We had the opportunity to go on an unexpected road trip this weekend. We piled into the van and hit the road. It’s the same thing every time. We make it almost ten minutes before the boy asks for a snack. Early morning road trips always include Pop-Tarts. Well, to be honest, they are the…

  • The Weekend

    The carefree days of summer vacation are over. When my kids went back to school, they instantly began looking forward to the weekend. “How many more days until the weekend?” This sparked a serious debate regarding the days of the week. I feel strongly that Sunday is the first day of the week. Everyone else…

  • Dolly is Out

    “Hey, Pops, Dolly Parton is no longer my favorite songwriter.” “OK, then who is your favorite songwriter?” “I don’t know who it is right now but pretty soon my favorite songwriter will be me. I just need to write some songs.”

  • The Continuing Saga of the Piano Lessons

    I’ve been giving my son piano lessons. We had just finished his most recent lesson and he said, “Don’t take this the wrong way… I like you lots but I don’t really like the piano teacher version of you.” “Really? Why is that?” “I don’t know…. Who is that weird kid that was really good…

  • Kid Sweat

    It’s one of the top five greatest smells. It can’t be bottled or reproduced. It is the smell of a little kid’s head on a summer day. It’s pure sunshine in the form of human hair.

  • Family Game Night

    It was family game night. We needed to move beyond Chutes and Ladders and Candy Land. The twins are seven. It’s a tough age for games. They can handle some basic strategies but are not ready for the blackjack tables. I’m not sure why but they’ve been asking to play Clue. I guess the box…

  • Party Everyday

    At my house, we have been somewhat obsessed with “Muppets Mayhem.” It’s a show on Disney+. If you’ve been around for a while, you know I love everything related to the Muppets. The soundtrack for this show is great. It includes some Electric Mayhem versions of classic rock songs. My little girl was getting ready…

  • Angry Rodent

    When we were camping last week, I was attacked by an angry chipmunk. You can read about it here. I was so inspired by this incident that I sketched the event. I know I’m not a great artist but I think I captured the moment. I was worried that it wouldn’t make sense without the…

  • Piano Lessons

    My son is interested in playing the piano. We agreed that I would give him some basic lessons this summer. He did great for the first couple weeks but we have reached the point where he turns into a weird demon-possessed cat when you remind him to practice. While he was hissing and spitting about…

  • Like a Sunrise

    My son was very excited. “I saw something out the window and you got to see it.” “What did you see?” “It was like a sunrise only it’s night…”

  • Bowling

    We spent the day with my sister and her family. We did lunch and then some bowling. The adults and big kids were on one lane and the little kids were on another. It seemed like the best way to divide things. We assumed that the little kids would take forever and be very bad.…

  • Baboo

    “When I grow up and have kids, they are gonna call you Baboo. It means something in a different language. Ohhhh, Baboo!!!” Now that is something to look forward to.

  • Tea Party Etiquette

    I was talking to my baby girl. I said, “I need to write a Daily Dispatch but I’m stuck. Do you have any ideas?” She very quickly answered the call. “That’s easy. If you are at a tea party, don’t put your finger in your nose.” Great advice.

  • Transitions Can Be Difficult

    We just celebrated the last day of the school year. Transitions can be difficult. My twins just finished first grade. These big shifts are a great way to mark different eras in life. “Remember that summer after 1st grade…” They both had very different emotional responses regarding the ending of this phase. My typically very…

  • Two Truths and a Lie

    Little kids are an incredible dichotomy. They are both brutally honest and natural-born liars. They will tell you the absolute truth when no one else would. A little kid will gladly inform you when there is something weird hanging out of your nose. You ask, “How do I look?” You can be sure a little…

  • Career in Politics

    “Hey Pops, When I grow up, I want to be a famous bologna maker.” There are so many responses to that statement. ”Ummmmm… So basically a politician.”

  • Repulsive

    He is a typical seven-year-old boy. “I think all girls are repulsive… Wait, I can’t remember. What does repulsive mean?”

  • King

    We just watched the Disney classic about King Arthur and Merlin called The Sword in the Stone. My little girl proclaimed, “I’m going to be the king someday.” “That’s a tough job. I don’t think that I would want to be a king, it’s too much work.” “No, it would be easy. You just boss…

  • Gargamel

    “Hey Pops, when I’m a grown-up, I don’t want to have a bald haircut… Unless it’s like Gargamel (from the Smurfs)… He’s got hair around the edges. I might be ok with that.” Those are solid goals, my son.

  • Sugar Daddy

    We were running errands. The kids and I were in my truck and it was a rare moment of quiet. My little girl loudly proclaimed, “I need a sugar daddy.” What?!? “You know, that candy with a stick.” Right, of course. In case you don’t know, a Sugar Daddy is a sticky chunk of caramel…

  • Personal Taste

    It happens to everybody at some point. One day it is “Wheels On the Bus” and all of the toddler classics. There might be an intermediary phase where you become aware of your parent’s music. You might even know all of the words to Neil Diamond’s greatest hits. Then suddenly, you have your own music.…

  • Scooby Doo

    I was awake at 5:30 on a Sunday morning. My son woke me up to find out if it was time to get up yet. “No, it’s not time to get up yet. But I won’t be able to go back to sleep. We might as well get up.” This is why it’s so hard…

  • Irish Jig

    We were listening to some Irish tunes to celebrate the holiday. I broke into a spontaneous jig. I was overcome by the festive energies. “Wow, that’s good dancing for an old guy.” Thanks little girl. That statement is 50% accurate.

  • Sacrament of Coffee and Age 7

    It’s our annual “Sacrament of Coffee Day.” This means it is the anniversary of the release of this single and also my twin’s birthday. It’s a great opportunity to reflect on life. Time continues to march forward and I can’t believe how quickly it is marching. We continue to struggle to get out the door…

  • My mug on a mug

    Recently, I posted a picture of a drawing my son had made. He drew my face on a coffee mug. The mailman just delivered an unexpected package. It was a coffee mug and on it was the picture that my son had drawn. It was my mug on a mug on a mug. I don’t…

  • 22 and 59

    “When I am 22, how old will you be?” After some complicated math, we determined that I will be 59 when my son is 22. “Oh good, that means I will be old enough to take care of myself before you die.” Okay… His twin sister had to chime in. “That will never happen.” I…

  • On Cardboard

    My son chased me out of the room. He said he was working on a surprise for me. It turned out to be an empty cardboard box with a picture on the side. He drew a coffee mug and on the coffee mug, he drew a portrait of me. It is a magnificent gift even…

  • Fountain of Youth

    We love hypothetical questions at our house. They are so much fun. At dinner, my boy asked, “if someone drank from the fountain of youth and then I ate him, how old would I be?” “Son, if you eat someone, regardless of what they drank first, you have bigger problems than your age.”

  • Nemesises

    The subject of this post is directly derived from a debate that I had with my children. You should know that 2/3 of my children are six. If you have an arch nemesis, you have a singular enemy. You say something like, “lactose is my nemesis.” It is completely possible to have enemies that are…

  • Video Dump – January 7

    Yesterday, I was talking about how writing this Daily Dispatch has affected my video-making process. I thought that today you might enjoy watching some of the fruit from this tree. The links below will go to YouTube. I made a batch of videos based on storied that first appeared “in print” on this blog. Let…

  • The Whistle

    Since he was really little, my son has been desperate to whistle. He would say, “Hey Pops, listen to this.” Then he would blow spit everywhere while making a weird noise. It was essentially monosyllabic singing while making kissy lips. I would explain that it was more of a hum than a whistle and demonstrate…

  • Board Games

    We just introduced our twins (age 6) to the game of Monopoly. They were ruthless. We have a crazy winter weather event happening. As a result, we have no obligations and nowhere that we need to be. We are completely burned out on Christmas movies. It was time to bust out the board games. When…

  • Kitteny

    My little girl loves to tell me stories at bedtime. These stories usually involve a unicorn doing something like eating sandwiches and then everybody in the story goes to sleep. I could listen to these stories all day. The most recent story involved some people walking through the woods. Near as I can tell, I…

  • Nice Moves

    I ate as much as I could physically hold. I took an afternoon nap. I put on some music in order to draw myself out of the holiday coma. My baby girl with eyes wide said, “Wow, those are some great dance moves. Can you teach me to do that?” The song was Brother Love’s…

  • Kid Management

    We just had a meeting with the twins’ teacher. We got a great report for both of them. My mind was blown by the level of organization achieved by their teacher. She had everything about each student sorted, bundled, and displayed beautifully. I suppose that the ability to wrangle 30 kids all day requires a…

  • Frog Dylan

    This green frog goes by the name Frog Dylan and he belongs to my son. Frog Dylan is a favorite at our house. He sings croak songs. As a parent, I must be getting something right.

  • Shrinky Dinks

    I enjoyed some craft time with my twins. We were working on some Shrinky Dinks. I didn’t even know that they still existed. I loved Shrinky Dinks way back in the ‘80s. If you aren’t familiar with Shrinky Dinks, they are pure magic. It’s a design cut from a sheet of some form of plastic.…

  • Fro-corn-urtle

    The kids and I were chatting over lunch. It started as a hypothetical question. Would you rather be a frog or a turtle? We had two votes for frog and two votes for turtle. We settled the dispute with a compromise. A fr-urtle is obviously a frog and turtle hybrid with froggy legs and a…

  • Eyes Shut

    It was a beautiful, warm fall day and we were outside playing catch. My little girl is typically very brave but every time the ball was thrown her way, she would assume the position of fear. Hands over her head, eyes tight shut, hoping to magically catch the ball. Like every other dad, I yelled…

  • Mol Day

    Hannah is in a chemistry class and they are celebrating ”Mol Day.” Allegedly, a mol is a unit of measurement and today’s date somehow corresponds with this number. To be honest, I’m out of my element. I don’t know what any of this means. The important thing is that she made some delicious, homemade guacamole…

  • Toy Yoda

    We were out for a family walk. My twins (age 6) were frantically looking for Toyota vehicles in the neighborhood. “Why are you two so excited about Toyota?” “I saw a commercial and they look awesome.” “Yeah, we want to convince you to buy a Toyota.” (I’m having some vehicle issues and might be in…

  • Library Rules

    My little girl (age 6) was excited to tell me a story from school. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. “Cleopatra found a book in the library with my name on it. She came over and showed me the book. It had my name on the front.” “Wow, the book’s title was…

  • Way Bigger

    At bedtime, my boy (age 6) said, “Hey Pops, when I am a grown-up, I’m gonna be way bigger than you.” I replied, “Oh, are you gonna be a really big guy someday?” “No, I’ll be normal size but when I’m a grown-up you will be really old, and old people get way smaller.” He…

  • History

    I was helping Hannah study for a giant U.S. history test. A lot has changed in the last five hundred years but people are basically the same. She knows a tremendous amount of random facts. She will do great on this test. I am an idiot and know nothing.

  • Festive Fall Party

    On Saturday we engaged in some autumn-themed activities. We traveled to a nearby orchard and purchased season-defining produce. The van was full of apples, squash, and pumpkins for carving. We ate apple slices dipped in caramel. We dug Halloween decorations out of the attic. We listened to some music on a “fall playlist.” We declared…

  • Queen of Hearts

    I recently missed a family discussion about Halloween costumes. We have twins and they have very different personalities. We have rarely dressed them alike but Halloween is an opportunity that can’t be missed. A cohesive theme is too cute to pass up. Mrs Brother Jack: Tell your father about the theme for Halloween. Little E:…

  • Short Fuses

    Today was one of those days. When I woke up, I was immediately aware that it was going to require a little bit extra. Two weeks of a school routine has kicked my kids’ butts. They were all tired and grumpy from the start. Our cannons were primed with really short fuses. Everything that happened…

  • The Wedding Industrial Complex

    My baby girl (age 6) is obsessed with weddings. She was privileged to be the flower girl for some friends at their wedding over the summer. Now weddings are a big deal for her. She just informed me that when she grows up she will have all her kids before she gets married so that…

  • Summer Guilt Trip

    At the end of every August, I feel guilty about not doing enough with my kids while they were on summer break from school. We had lots of fun and spent a lot of time together. It was all really great but it feels like there wasn’t enough of it. It’s probably normal parental emotions.…

  • Clean Slate 2022

    It’s the first day of school for all three of my children. I always loved the first day of school. It was a clean slate. Nobody will remember all of the dumb stuff that happened the previous school year. Summer is like a magic memory potion. Not one classmate will remember when you got confused…

  • Youth Orchestra

    My oldest kid joined the youth orchestra this summer. She just participated in her first concert with the group. The kids were the warm-up act for our local symphony orchestra. Our town is not big enough to have some of the things you would find in a big urban center but we are big enough…

  • A Singing Koala

    I was putting the twins to bed and we were reading a bedtime story about a guy and his pet pug. Thing1 asked if I would ever want to have a pet pug (she knows that I have always wanted a dog). I told her I would not want a pug because I prefer big…

  • The Mouse

    We have a mouse in the house. It’s a natural part of living in the world. Occasionally, a little rodent may find a way into our domicile. It ran across the room, under the tv, and into the ductwork. Thing-1 wants to catch it and keep it as a pet. I set out some traps.…

  • Bridesmaids

    We were at a wedding over the weekend, it was beautiful. My kids were involved with the ceremony and I think they enjoyed the attention that came with it. My boy danced with every bridesmaid at least twice. His secret was that he fought hard and pretended to hate every second of it. I wish…

  • Lots of Compliments

    Over the weekend we celebrated the marriage of some dear friends. It was a glorious occasion and we are so happy for everyone involved. My twins were in the wedding party. Baby girl was living her dreams. There was a fancy dress, flowers in her hair, and lots of dancing. The only thing that could…

  • Tents > Hotel Rooms

    A family of five in a six man tent is better than a family of five in a normal hotel room. At least with a tent, the entire great outdoors are available for escape. In a hotel room, you can only hide in the bathroom for so long.

  • 1MS : Naked Eyes

    My wife and two of my kids have blue eyes. My baby girl has eyes the same color as mine. She looked me in the eye and said, “Hey, we match… except mine are white on the edges and yours are red.” I have a new one minute song out today. It’s about eyes.

  • Peppers and Fairies

    A friend gave me a couple of green bell peppers last week. My garden doesn’t contain any pepper plants. I love peppers but they give me awful heartburn. It seems more prudent to avoid the temptation. I’m grateful for the kindness of friends. My twins are convinced that they love red peppers but hate green…

  • Apple Dumpling Gang

    I have kids. This means that when I watch a movie, it is a kid’s movie. This is fine because my favorite genre of film is “dumb kid’s movie.” This might not be an official category that is recognized by the academy when they are handing out awards but it will always be my favorite.…

  • Fiddlin’ Friday

    Sometimes on Friday afternoons, I do a livestream with my friends on Facebook. When I can convince (beg and bribe) my oldest offspring to bust out her violin, the show is a Fiddlin’ Friday. There is no greater thrill than playing music with family. If you listen closely to our latest show, you will hear…

  • Picnic

    I informed my twins (age 6) that we are halfway through their summer break. I asked if there is anything that they desperately want to do before they go back to school. I thought they might mention a baseball game, museum, amusement park, more camping, or anything equally epic. It turns out that the absolute,…

  • Tent Math

    I can speak from experience that a camping tent marketed as a “six-person tent” comfortably holds a family of three. I have been reminded why we have done very little tent camping since becoming a family of five.

  • Joyful Noise

    I almost didn’t get today’s Dispatch out. It’s been a busy week. Hannah has had school stuff all week and a music camp in the evenings. It’s called the Joyful Noise camp and it’s sponsored by a local church. She has been attending since she was an itty-bitty violin player. This was their first in-person…

  • Lost – the Haircuts

    Way back in 2004, the television show called Lost premiered. It was instantly my favorite show of all time. I recently decided that it was time to indoctrinate my oldest kid. So far, no one is disappointed. We just celebrated Father’s Day at my house. I detest greeting card holidays but I’m a sucker for…

  • The Remote

    We were gathered around the television, bingeing episodes of our current favorite show. It’s Bluey. If you don’t know Bluey, you should change that. Someday, I will probably write a very long post extolling the many virtues of this fantastic show. My boy was dominating the remote control. “Hey Pops, I can still use the…

  • Bowling

    The twins were invited to a classmate’s birthday party. It was at a bowling alley. A bunch of little kids throwing heavy balls equal to a third of their body weight at a wooden floor is something that must be witnessed to be understood. It’s a rare and specific kind of chaos that is unlike…

  • Whistle Your Favorite Song

    She wasn’t happy with her brother. She thought he should be doing what she wanted him to be doing. She got bossy and demanding in an attempt to bend his will. I explained that if he didn’t want to play with her and her fluffy unicorns, he didn’t have to play with her and it…

  • Kindergarten

    Today is kindergarten graduation. I still think of my twins as itty-bitty babies. I can’t believe they are already through their first year of school. I don’t know what else to say about it. I feel like I am bleeding time.

  • Total Wardrobe Change

    As the school year comes to a close and we are transitioning to warm weather attire, it was time to tidy the wardrobe. When kids are little, it’s so easy to sort through and pull out large chunks of clothing by size. It feels safe to assume that they won’t be wearing the same size…

  • Love Bug

    Yesterday was my birthday. It was a nice day. We had some fantastic Chinese takeout. Then I forced my family to sit down and watch a movie with me. I subjected them to the original Herbie movie from 1968. The Love Bug is about a tiny, magic VW that loves to race. I am aware…

  • When Did My Grandpap Get Here?

    I have arrived at the stage in life when I can’t get up from the floor (or tie my shoes) without making a particular noise. I can remember Grandpap making the same noise. It’s a loud exhale mixed with a grunt. It’s similar to the sound made by Olympic weight lifters. The difference is that…

  • What’s Up Doc

    I took two-thirds of my children to the doctor’s office yesterday. Our health saga continues. Don’t worry, everything turned out alright. We saw a young, female doctor who was new for us. After she left the exam room, my boy expressed his admiration for her. I asked why he liked this doctor so much. He…

  • Another Sick Day

    I feel that I’ve been complaining a lot lately about my kids being sick. We have had pink eye, strep throat, and many different upper respiratory viruses. Right now we have a two for the price of one happening. We have one with a virus and strep throat and the other has a separate, brand…

  • Unwavering Laws of the Universe #1

    Recently, I developed a standing appointment with my two youngest children. Every Saturday morning we spend some time watching cartoons. Not the recent stuff, we only watch the classics. Thing2 loves Tom and Jerry. Thing1 likes Pink Panther (because he is pink, of course). I love Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. We all enjoy the…

  • Self Sabotage

    Twin 1 is sick again. Our twins are six and in kindergarten. They have been rotating illnesses every other week since the first of the year. It’s been a constant stream of coughing and snot. It would be so much easier if they could get on the same schedule and give me a week off…

  • Dear Library

    My kids had an extra day away from school for their spring break. We spent some time in our local public library. We used to spend a lot of time in this library. It was closed for a while during the pandemic and as a result, we forgot our library routines. When something happens that…

  • Hannah’s First Job

    Hannah was involved with a string quartet that had the opportunity to accompany a church choir as they presented their Easter cantata. It was beautiful. It was her first official “job” as a violinist. I’m a proud papa. Unfortunately, I didn’t get any pictures or video. Happy Easter.

  • Tuesdays are for Songwriting

    For a while, I’ve been blocking out time on Tuesdays for songwriting. A lot of songwriters stress the importance of writing every day. That has never been a routine that works for me. I have a regular collection of lines and notions for songs. Once a week I sit down to see if any of…

  • Cartoon Day

    My boy had to stay home from school today. He had a weird crusty eye. I think it is related to something that was going around the classroom last week. I was upset and worried because he was sick. We watched a lot of cartoons. I was stressed and annoyed that I was on the…

  • Tha-thump

    Hannah is playing in a string quartet for the upcoming Easter holiday. We were on our way home from her practice. We were almost home and a cute little calico ran across the street as we crested the top of the hill. It was followed by a very black cat. It was dark. Hannah: watch…

  • Toy-age (rhymes with garage)

    Me (visibly angry after stepping on random toys): You kids have too many toys!!! I can’t even walk through the room!!! We need to get rid of some of this junk!!! My Son (feeling that he has solved the problem): We should park the van next to the road like normal people and fill the…

  • Unicorn + Dinosaur

    Our twins just turned six. We have one boy and one girl. They are definitely not identical twins (see above gender reference). When discussions regarding their birthday cake began, one child was set on a dinosaur theme and the other was desperate for unicorns. In her infinite wisdom, their mother introduced the concept of a…

  • Sacrament of Coffee and Age 6

    I wrote a song about life with my children and my perpetual struggle to drink a cup of coffee while it is still hot. The song was officially released to the world two years ago. It also features my old pump organ. Today is also the twin’s birthday. They are six. I can’t believe they…

  • When I Grow Up

    My youngest kids are twins, one of each, and they are five.   It was the butt crack of dawn and we were awake.  My little girl crawled into my lap and informed me that when she grows up she wants to be either a teacher or a doctor.  My boy appears out of nowhere…

  • I Really Had To Pee

    We had a weekend at my in-law’s big, old- fashioned house. Mrs. Brother Jack’s father turned 70. It was great to celebrate his life. He has had a tremendous impact on who I am. He doesn’t get the credit he deserves and it was nice to have a party for him. All five members of…